i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
