clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
