This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
