some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
