I could have mohawked her pubes.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
