Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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