Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
