The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
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