dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize