I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
