I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
