We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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