We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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