A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
