He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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