i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
