Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize