i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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