I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
