know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
