I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize