it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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