hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
