I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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