I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
