Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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