This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
