sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Randomize
