I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
