Whats the glycemic index on semen?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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