what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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