btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
