Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
