Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
