I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
