The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
