I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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