My first STD was from a foam party
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
