this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
