Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
