u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
