haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
