i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
No subtext here. People are naked.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
