He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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