he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
