I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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