before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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