Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
