i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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