i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
