8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
