Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
