I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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