Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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