I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
