its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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