Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
