Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
