I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
