i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
