if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize