GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
