Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
