I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
