Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
