never play flip cup with pint glasses
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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