Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
