ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Randomize