she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
