I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
