i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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