Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
